January 21, 2012

Reminiscent Reflections and Hopeful Beginnings

Hey guys!

Well, I went to Billy Bob's a couple of nights ago with some friends. And, if you don't know what Billy Bob's is, it is exactly like the Grizzly Rose, except way more fun! I'm dead serious. Anyway, we got into this conversation that really had me thinking. I think I figured out what my greatest fear is. I could never figure it out before because I'm not afraid of heights really, I'm not afraid of needles, and spiders seem very trivial to my actual greatest fear. I'm afraid of losing somebody very dear to me that I can never get back. Like my twin, or a very dear friend. Even if they are a believer, and I'll see them again, I am so afraid of losing them here. I had a dream once that Madison passed away. I woke up just wracked with sobs and tears streaming down. I had to go into her room in the middle of the night to make sure nothing had happened. I'm pretty sure if I got that dreaded phone call that Madison had died, I would just curl up on the floor in physical pain. I can't even imagine. Anyway, that would be my greatest fear.

I know that was a little morbid to start off, but it was something that kind of hit me. Another question we discussed last night was what we thought our greatest quality is. We went around the circle and when my turn came around, I said that I thought mine was loyalty. I'm very loyal to family, friends, boyfriends, and whoever else I'm a part of. I mean, you name it! I never like to give up on people.

I just finished watching Ice Age with a friend before I started writing this blog. A quote that Sid said stuck with me, besides the fact he is hilarious: "You know me, I'm too lazy to hold a grudge!" haha, it is such a fantastic quote. It holds some truth too, I mean I have held grudges before, but they seem so trivial now. I guess it's a good learning process because some grudges I still haven't forgotten, but others are history. It's also good to think about.

I know these thoughts are somewhat random, but flow is not exactly what I'm going for here. I've been struggling with something lately. It seems somewhat trivial, and feels wierd to admit. I've been wondering what guy God has in store for me to be with. I know I'm only a freshman in college, and I know there is plenty of time. Believe me, I'm not wanting to rush things here. But I mean, have I already met him somewhere, or do I have yet to meet him, has he already been in my life, and would he want someone like me? Granted, every girl thinks about these things. It has just been weighing on my heart lately. Sometimes I miss having someone there, I miss some things in my past. I don't regret any of it, it's just hard waiting for that. But hope is never lost :), and God has a way of working things out haha!

Something a little more lighthearted, I seriously love all the people here at TCU. I love the randomness and the kindness in the people around me. We all really do have separate struggles, and different life stories to tell. I love the uniqueness. They make life a little more bearable at times. Going to a new state I thought it would be difficult to make friends. It wasn't. God opened the door for me, and I went into it, not without slight hesitation! But I couldn't be happier. :) Thanks for reading.

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."
-Romans 12:12

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