August 28, 2012

Childhood Innocence

Innocence is a funny thing. Some people have it, some people gradually lose it, some never lose it, and some just don't have it anymore. Wherever you stand with that, one thing is for certain, children definitely have it. That is why children are so adorable. They are always inquisitive, always searching for answers, and eager to learn everything they can about the world, are they not? Children are so endearing (to most people) I think because we miss that innocence. We grow up, we have different experiences in life that mold us into a certain person. Sadly, bad experiences tend to calcify certain things in us. Those calcifications grow bigger and before we know it, we lose the childlike innocence of that aspect of our lives.

I've had experiences, just like everybody reading this, with bitterness, with rage, with feelings of injustice...and I have to admit I've let my heart harden towards certain aspects of my life. I tend to say that 'I grew up fast', and that I didn't have a choice. In some ways, that's true. Having a life threatening disease at the age of two and dealing with the side effects of that my whole existence, I had to grow up and learn how to take care of myself. My parents could only do so much. I had to get over my feelings of inadequacy and learn how to push forward without the approval of others. For the longest time, I made myself feel indifferent to my situation and what people thought of it or if people were uncomfortable around it. That has gradually developed into an acceptance sort of attitude on my part and a willingness to share with those around me. I don't necessarily bring it up into every conversation, but I am more than willing to help or share for those who can gain from my experience. I've gained a little innocence back with that as I try and see the beauty in what God has given me.

My parents went through a divorce my junior year of high school. I dealt with a ton of bitterness and anger those last couple of years. I blamed many of my problems on my dad leaving. I didn't trust him anymore, I didn't believe him anymore, and I really believed I wasn't going to continue my relationship with him. I am not completely unique in my family issues and I recognize that. But because of that bitterness I held inside of me, out of hurt pride and betrayal, I hardened my heart towards love. That is the most dangerous because I started blocking God out and relied on hardening my feelings toward feeling inadequate for somebody else.

These are only a couple of my experiences, and I'm sure you have many as well. My whole point in telling you guys these personal struggles is to emphasize the fact that I have lost my innocence towards a few things in life. I've been through it, I've struggled through it, and I enabled those calcifications to grow. Over time, they have lessened as I have grown in my relationship in Christ. I realized I was only concentrating on how these situations affected me and how I could survive through them. If I looked at the bigger picture, the outlook changes slightly. I know my dad lost his mother at a very young age and in his mind, he is doing what he thinks is right. My dad is not a bad guy, he doesn't want the worst to happen, and I know that. I also know he loved me and still does although I still don't believe it like I used to. My diabetes has humbled me in the past and I can empathize with those who deal with medical issues on a daily basis. It helped me accept who I am and work with the lot God granted me and use it for the better. That has reduced some of the things I hardened myself to (letting myself feel pain and working through it) and I've let myself feel emotion about them. That only happened through much prayer and taking delight in the miracles I encounter every day. It encourages healing and rings with the ability to stay true to God's plan for me.

My main point...we will never have a pure childhood innocence again, it's impossible with this world, but it is possible to gain that attitude back with a wiser and more experienced outlook. Enjoy the day, enjoy the sunshine, and believe in something again. Pray for peace and find the strength that has always been in you to dissolve that hardness. I'm still getting there, and I know God is the only one who can completely get me through. I'm convinced it will make a world of difference. Thanks for reading, my friends.

"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws."
-Ezekiel 36:26-27

August 22, 2012

Fighting Fear

As I looked at my schedule for this upcoming week on Sunday night, it didn't look so bad. I have Fridays off and don't have a million classes. But, after these last two days, I'm in for a whole lot of work. Let me just tell you... I have Microbiology plus a lab, Religion and the African Diaspora, Elementary Statistics, Oral Communication in Spanish, and Teaching Strategies for Professional Nursing. Doesn't sound too horrible, right? Well, each one involves lots of work. But you know the funny thing about it all? I can't wait. I'm super excited to just dive right into my sophomore year, even with all the presentations and work. I've felt quite optimistic these last two days for this semester. Each one is interesting, maybe except elementary stats, but I realized that I really do love learning. I love school, I like taking relevant classes, and I like knowing what I need to know for my profession and my minor (spanish). It's exactly what I'm here for and what I've been looking for. I just feel like it's gradually all coming together. And once I start my clinicals next semester, I'll really start believing I'm well on my way to becoming a nurse.

Something struck me today in my oral communication in spanish class today. My professor said, "Your biggest obstacle in fluency is worrying about your mistakes", or something to that effect. It made me stop and just think for a minute. Obviously, he was talking about speaking Spanish, but can't that apply to something bigger? If you replace 'fluency' with 'fluidity', it very well could be. Fluency might even still work. People want their lives to run smoothly, right? They don't want to have to deal with hard situations. I hear ya, I've been there! We all make mistakes in life. It's inevitable. If you haven't made multiple errors in your life, big or small, then you aren't human (and I'd like to know where you come from). I make mistakes with the things I say sometimes, the things I think, the things I do, and the things I intend to do. So, basically, everything at one time or another. That said, what hinders us from moving forward? Usually fear. Fear of what? Fear of failure, of unwanted power, of leadership, of letting people down, of making a mistake. So, we don't do it. That prevents us from moving forward. So, I'd just like to reinterate:

Your biggest obstacle in progressing with anything is worrying about your mistakes.

This can apply to almost anything. The message I heard on Sunday at church was based on living out our faith, not just believing it. Telling someone about Christ - how scary is that?! It can be, unless you've done it before - it gets less intimidating. We are afraid of saying something wrong, of giving the wrong impression, about not being knowledgable enough...we are afraid of mistakes. Through actions, instead of letting someone else take the leadership role, why don't we? We are afraid of being an incompetent leader, of making a mistake. We tiptoe around these opportunities and justify doing so by saying we aren't made to do it. Why not? Why don't you take the risk and stop worrying about the mistakes you're going to make? It's inevitable, right? Take it as a learning experience, take it as a growing experience. And laugh at those silly mistakes that we all make. It prompts an aura of relaxation and capability; only then can we move forward and gain the fluency/fluidity/experience we desire.

And all this from one little sentence in my spanish class. I need to work on easing my worries, Lord knows I worry an excessive amount. It's good if it creates caution, because we do need discernment in this world, but too much worry can be detrimental to life. So relax, take a breather, and try something new with an open mind. Who knows what you may learn about yourself.

"All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work."
-2 Timothy 3:16-17

August 18, 2012

Embracing Love

You know what I think? College has made me into a more outgoing person. There is evidence of it everywhere! I saw one of my friends outside my dorm a couple of days ago, and I literally ran to her to give her a hug. Well, there were two guys I ran past in order to get to her. I had never seen them before and didn't have any affiliation with them. As they walked by my friend and I amidst our laughs and exclamations, one said to his friend, "Man, I could use a hug too." Obviously, I overheard, and in a brave moment, I turned to them and asked if they needed a hug and that I could totally give them one. Well, it took them a second, but they both turned around and were like "Yeah!" Haha, so they both gave me a hug and went on their way...

I was looking back on that moment and realized something. In that moment that I was so brave, I was happy. I was filled with just pure joy after greeting a really good friend. I have my random moments out of character, but I needed that moment to realize that I've changed - in a good way. I mean, before I never would have done that. The moment was still all me, but the happiness propagated my intention to give two random guys a hug because one said he needed one. I don't know what they thought, probably that I was crazy, but I guess I will never know. That's fine by me. I don't regret it one bit. Who knows, maybe he really did need a hug, and a random girl on the TCU campus gave him one. There's a story for him.

That's how we should react to God's love for us. We are his messengers of love. We are the ones who help show and bring his love to people on earth. What if we were so filled with that message that we couldn't help but just share it? With anyone - a stranger, a friend, a younger person. It was all a reaction on my part. It was a moment of bravery where my logic did not kick in (for once in my life). We should always be looking for people to share that stuff with. I wish I did it more. Maybe that's something I can work on this year. I need to work on sharing the greatest love anywhere. Anyone need a hug? :)

"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."
John 13:34-35

August 16, 2012


Goodness I have missed TCU. It's so amazing to be back. It's good to see everybody again and be back on campus. I really am excited for this next year. I just feel like I belong.

Wouldn't it be great if we felt like we belonged everywhere? You belong with your family, you belong in your house, you belong in a certain sport, and you belong with your group of friends. We don't belong with God. We don't belong anywhere near him. But, the cool part is that He still wants us there. He wants us to belong with Him.

I saw something the other day that said something along the lines of 'Life isn't about finding who you are, it's about finding the person God made you to be'. How awesome is that? I was just thinking about this. College is funny in making you try to become so many things at once. It's exhausting! I think the only thing I need to worry about is becoming a woman after God's own heart. What other things should I worry about anyway? I don't need to become something I'm not, and I don't need to become something everyone else wants me to be. But, chasing after the person God meant for me to be is the best idea I think I've heard. College is a learning experience; it's a growing experience; it's an enlightening experience. I think my most important experience, though, is growing in my faith - growing into the woman God planned for me to be all along. After all, I have always belonged to Him. That's the place I belong more than anywhere...walking with God.

"If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples."
-John 15:7-8

August 13, 2012


Well, since this is the night right before I head off to TCU to start another year there, I thought I'd talk about something that is important to hear once in awhile...
In honor of last year when I was taking a tour of TCU!
Now look where I am...on my second year!

Most of us are starting another year of college. It's only August, but it feels like the beginning of a whole new chapter. Whenever a change happens in my life, I always try to assess where I stand with things in my life. But, I think the most important thing here is to ask myself, where do I stand with God? A new school year means a new opportunity to reach out to people, to make a difference, to follow in the footsteps meant for me. Of course, that is harder than it sounds. But, you know, it's a time for renewal.

Every once in awhile, we need to assess where we are in our relationship with God. Truly where we are. A point was made in church yesterday: we walk around trying to cure the symptoms of our sin whereas we need to be walking around changing the source of our sin...our hearts. In a blog post way back, I was talking about a relationship with God being about a change of heart, not a change of religion. It is a relationship, not a rule book. We have to continually renew our faith to remind us what faith feels like. Renew what is at the heart of it all. God is at the heart of everything. It's easy to fall into a pattern of rules and routines, but unlike ours, God's promises are new every morning [Lamentations 3:23]. He took every single one of our inequities and forgave us for it. The longer we are on this earth, the more God shapes us to be more like Him. One issue at a time. Renewing a relationship with God is the best thing. Getting back down to the heart of it all comes down to the nitty gritty. God wants a relationship with you, you and I who are not fit for anything but death. He forgave us, He cleansed us, He wants what is best for us. Rejuvenate the purpose in your life. Renewing life, renewing a relationship, renewing our thirst for Him is what helps keep this relationship steadfast.

August 9, 2012

Powerless Obstacles

"I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."
-John 16:33

I love this verse. We first read it and are like, "Yeah, God! Woo - hoo! You tell the world who is boss!" But do we really understand the gravity of the verse? Everything in this world that we think has power, has none with God. None. The President of the United States - none. Pop culture - none. You - none. The devil himself - none. God is above all of it. He has taken care of it all. The verse itself basically says that God is above the world.

The verse says 'take heart'. What does that mean to you? To me, it means 'feel hope' or 'be comforted'. Our world is a fallen world no matter how many great things are in it. It's also a huge comfort to know that all the bad things we experience in this life are already conquered by God. So, why do we let things of this world rule our lives? Yeah, things happen. Things cripple us here on this earth, but, hey, we've got God on our side who has already won the fight. It's kind of amusing to know that the devil is pouring everything into a futile fight. God's already won. I hate to burst the devil's bubble...not at all in fact haha. But, isn't it a comfort to know that God can and already has overcome whatever you are going through right now? You may ask me, "Yeah, Morgan, okay, but that doesn't mean I can get through it." Oh yes it does. The great thing about God is that He doesn't want his children to suffer. He will help us get through things. But it goes two ways... you need to go to Him. You need to ask for His help. You won't be able to get through whatever ails you on your own. I'm convicted of this again and again. Our troubles may seem so momentous to us now, but you can overcome it, with God's help. He's already conquered it. :)

With this comes another side, though. You can't just ask for God's help. You need to thank Him for what He has already helped you conquered. If you don't recognize it, how can you ask for it? It's food for thought... what has God already helped you overcome in this world?

August 8, 2012


"Find me here, and speak to me;
I want to feel you, I need to hear you;
You are the light, that's leading me;
To the place, where I find peace, again;
You are the strength, that keeps me walking;
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting;
You are the life, to my soul;
You are my purpose;
You're everything...

And how can I stand here with you,
And not be moved by you?
Would you tell me
How could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms, and you give me rest;
You hold me in your hands;
You won't let me fall;
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away;
Would you take me in, take me deeper now...

And how can I stand here with you,
And not be moved by you?
Would you tell me
How could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you,
And not be moved by you?
Would you tell me
How could it be any better than this?

'Cause you're all I want, you're all I need,
You're everything, everything;
You're all I want
You're all I need
You're everything, everything
You're all I want
You're all I need
You're everything, everything
You're all I want
You're all I need
Everything, Everything;

And how can I stand here with you,
And not be moved by you?
Would you tell me, how could it be, any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you,
And not be moved by you?
Would you tell me, how could it be, any better - any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you,
And not be moved by you?
Would you tell me, how could it be any better than this...
Would you tell me, how could it be any better than this?"


~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A simple, yet powerful song. It's one of my favorites, and one of the songs that's always helped me through some things. Sometimes music can say things words cannot if you truly read the lyrics. 

"But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me."
-Psalm 13:5-6

August 5, 2012

I Love You

Three simple words. A whole lot of meaning. It is so sad to me that people just say these three words nowadays without really meaning what they say. There are so many forms of love in this world. The love of friendship. The love of family. The love of dating. The love of life. But I feel like we've all been de-sensitized to it. You hear it everywhere, the 'love you!', the 'love you, miss you', and just the regular 'I love you'. What does it really mean? It should never be said lightly. These words carry a whole lot of weight.

Telling someone you love them is not a lighthearted statement. In other words, so to speak, it means you would do absolutely anything for them. You would hurt if they hurt; you would share in their joy; you would care enough to listen with your full attention; you would always be there for them; you would never lead them astray; you would never do anything to hurt them; you respect them; you would build them up; you would tell them what they needed to hear in love (even if it's tough love); you would trust them; they are already on your mind when you wake up in the morning; you love every aspect of them; you love them for who they are personality wise, not by what they look like; you would be willing to share your life with them. The best part is that repercussion statement...

I love you too.
Faith By Candlelight

All of that behind those three little words. All of that. This is not a phrase to be taken lightly. It would be refreshing to know that whenever somebody said that to you, no matter the relation, you knew they meant all of those other things as well. When it's not said right away, it means a whole lot more. Say it only when you mean it. When you mean all of it. We are all capable of love. I'm saying this just to build awareness about what that means. What's even better though, is that when God tells us that, in different ways, He means all of that and way more. It's to a greater depth than any of us can imagine. I only scratched the tip of the tip of the iceberg. That's awesome. Hearing that from God, you know He means every word. He means every word of -

I Love You.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails..."
-1 Corinthians 13:4-8

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