February 9, 2015

Letting Go

I've been mulling over thoughts in my mind as I have tried to consider what I would blog about in this next post. For some reason, I just couldn't get a good grip on what in the world I wanted to write about. I always have to go back to what my foundations are for starting this blog. I just want to share my faith journey and what I struggle with. I try to humanize some of the struggles I go through and how God gets me through at all times in my life. I write in hopes that I can relate to some of you and hopefully give you some encouragement.

God has been teaching me a few things these last few weeks. Many of the sermons/talks/devotions that I've been exposed to recently have been concentrating on one thing: spending time with God. Now, I'm not stellar in this department. I don't know if I ever have been. But, lately, I've felt some gaps in my life and I feel like I'm getting the message to fill those gaps with God. "Well duh, Morgan", you say. Of course I know this, but it's not quite as easy as people make it out to be. You may do a daily devotion, but are you truly spending time with God throughout your day? I've felt some loss in my life lately. It's almost as if I'm grasping at thin air trying to get it back. This has just led me to think...

When God nudges your heart to let go of something valuable in your life, how do you let go when there is no sure replacement?

It's a hard question. I'm normally so reluctant to let go and let things change. The unknown stresses me out, as I'm sure it does most of you. What is it specifically for you? For me, lately, it has been letting go of a safety blanket (so to speak), and loosening my rigid grip I had on a friendship for so long. Not that it's gone, but it's certainly not so present in my life. And that is terrifying. It's a change, and I don't do so well with stress. Think about this. If you knew, in your heart, that God wanted you to leave the wonderful job you had and go do something else, but you had no other job lined up, would you willingly give up that original job? That's a hard decision. I mean, there is no sure replacement. There's no guarantee you're going to have a replacement job right away. So, you quit your job and now you're sitting at home with no place to go to for work. Sure, you may be out searching for one, but how do you fill that gap? Too often we try to replace that kind of loss with things other than God. I am so guilty of this.

 Combining these feelings with everything I've heard over the past couple of weeks, I've had more motivation lately to spend time with God. I know, that sounds awful. I should be doing that anyway, right? But I'm usually so caught up in what I have to do that day, what I need to do to survive the next day, who I'm going to see the next day, wondering how my thesis is ever going to get done. Lately I've just been trying to rest in Christ. Decisions He lays before us are not always easy. And when that decision means letting go of something that you perceived so valuable in your life, it's a very difficult one. I've always been one to only make a decision when I'm fully informed of the pros and cons of the situation and I've had ample time to ponder the consequences. But sometimes, the end result isn't set in stone. Sometimes you just have to give something up, trusting in God's nudges, and rely on the fact that your mind can't possibly know the intricate weaving of God's plan. I'm trying to put myself back in the spot of relying on my trust for God instead of relying on something that is familiar to me. My faith in God's timing is the replacement I've been looking for. And the cool thing is that I don't have to wonder when that's going to show up in my life. It has always been there, whether I've felt it or not.

"However, as it is written:
'No eye has seen, no ear has hears, no mind has conceived what
God has prepared form those who love him--'
but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit. The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man's spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God."
-1 Corinthians 2:9-11
"For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations."
-Psalm 100:5


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