I am so sorry for the delay in writing another blog post. I guess for awhile I've just been at a loss for what to write. I mean, my thoughts have been rampant, but I've felt so muddled lately. And I'll tell you why.
It's so easy to let things worm their way into your life and take you in a different direction then you ever intended to go. It can happen with anything. Like many of you, my finals were the only thing I could think about for awhile. I was distracted by thoughts of going home over this Christmas break. Going to Colorado. Seeing my friends I haven't seen for a year. I needed to get all my nursing clinical paperwork in. I was distracted by my control over my life. The control I can never have. I like to think sometimes I do have that control. I'm sure I'm not the only one out there. I didn't realize this until awhile ago, but I think I've just been filling my heart with things that didn't have God in the middle of it. He was there, but on the outskirts.
You know what I think can fix many problems like this? Prayer. I'll tell you guys something. My prayer life honestly is not stellar. I've always had my reservations about praying out loud, and I tend to, when people pray for me out loud or within my earshot, start the waterworks. I think it's because I don't have my prayer life together. How can I sit and be thankful for somebody sending up a few prayers for me when I can hardly pray myself? When there aren't people listening to me pray, I can pray so much better. I can sort out my feelings in a way and give them to God then. I don't think I'm the only one, but I feel self conscious sometimes when I pray even with just one other person. There have been times where I've been fine, but those usually involve praying for another person.
Do you ever feel that way? Praying for other people can be so simple. You know, just the simple prayer, like... "God, I pray for [insert name] and that you would give him/her peace and let him/her know that You are always there." The end. But praying for yourself sometimes means you have to admit a fault. Praying for a relationship or a personal request can be intimidating if it involves you. The hardest prayers go something like these -
God, I pray you open my eyes to see the things I'm doing wrong.
God, I pray that your will be done (even though I would really like it to go down this way...)
God, I pray that you reform my heart, because I cannot fix this on my own.
Those are hard to say. We all think we have the right solution. We even sometimes think we know better than God. We don't. I know that, and you know that. I pray for you and me this Christmas season, that we remember the importance of matters of the heart. Receiving gifts and giving gifts in the name of love or friendship is great. And gifts are not my message here, prayer is, but are our hearts in the right place with the things that really matter on a daily basis? Also...
I hope you guys have a blessed Christmas! Enjoy the desserts, lights, decorations, eggnog, and all that family time. Christmas only comes once a year! And the world is not over yet!
"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
-1 Thessalonians 5:16-18