September 24, 2013


I've learned a lot about fulfillment in my lifetime and by no means do I still grasp the concept. I think a lot of people need to be reminded of this, me included, that God is our only fulfillment.

I can't tell you how many times I've tried to be fulfilled by other things in my life. I've always been a believer, but I haven't always acted like it. All of this awareness came to me I think once high school started. I would go to youth group and church, but I never grasped how God was my only fulfillment.

Let's start with school. I've always been in advanced classes, on the honor roll, whatever you want to call it. Grades have always been a huge part of my life. In college, I've learned to accept B's. Nursing school is hard. But, when I got a C or a low B in high school, I would be very upset with myself and my performance. "I don't get B's." I did well for myself in high school. But, when I failed my first test in college, I can't describe to you the feeling I had about myself. My self worth manifested in how I felt about my grades! Granted, I'm not saying stop worrying about trying to do well in school, no, but when your self worth is affected by the grade you make in a class? That is when trouble comes along. I had to learn that the hard way. Being in nursing school, I still struggle with that at times. Those tests measure how much content you know and if you can apply it to the job. When I do worse than I had hoped for, I have to remind myself that once I have that RN degree, that one little test won't make or break my career. It shouldn't affect my self worth.

Let's move onto swimming. If you know me at all, you know I don't ever stop relating something to swimming. Those of you who played sports in high school, or still play sports, just think about your sport. My high school career was filled with swimming. I wanted to make sectionals for club, I wanted to be on varsity, I wanted to get times that I could use to swim at a D1 college. Let me tell you a thought that I remember telling myself. "I can't wait until I'm 20, I'm going to be a junior in college, I'm going to be at my prettiest, and I'm going to be in the best shape of my life because I'll be swimming at my college. It's going to be great." Wow. Now that I look back on that, I am appalled. It's actually somewhat embarrassing to admit that, but I don't think I've been alone in thinking that. Where was my fulfillment coming from at that point? Not God, that's for certain. Only when things were going well did I sometimes thank God for allowing me to be successful. The moments that didn't go so well? It was a reflection off of me. I was channeling my self worth into my accomplishments. I was only looking forward to what I was going to be in college. Again, I'm not saying don't try to be successful in sports. But when it is your source of self worth, that's when you have to be careful.

Let's try this one. Relationships. This applies to guys and girls. How many of you have reflected your self worth based off of a relationship? Too many. I'm also guilty of this. It's hard not to do, especially when you think very highly of one person and really care about how they perceive you. Ladies, self worth is not reflected in how many times a guy/your boyfriend tells you that you're pretty, or gorgeous, or hot. Guys, your self worth is not reflected in how many times a girl/your girlfriend tells you that she wants to be with you forever, or that you're the most handsome guy, or how many posts she puts on Facebook about you for the world to see. Those things aren't necessarily harmful, but when that is the only thing that reflects your self worth, you've got a problem. If it's a Christ-centered relationship, your significant other should be doing nothing but helping you grow and develop your faith. That person should be making you feel worthwhile, that's important, but that's not your main source of self worth.

It's funny how God works. He led me to be a part of nursing school where 100% on a test doesn't just happen. I'm not even swimming in college. That was a very difficult transition, and I miss swimming at times. But He took away the recognition that I wanted from swimming from my heart because it was gradually destroying me and leading me farther away from Him. That's amazing. I didn't even know what was happening. God has been gracious to me in relationships and I've not always been successful in not allowing it to consume me, but I know where my heart stands, I know I'm a daughter of Christ, and I'm not willing to cross boundaries. With His strength, I've been able to confront it.

Your self worth comes from your heart. And where does The Holy Spirit dwell? In your heart, in your being...I need to remind myself of this daily. When there are so many things in this world telling you where your self worth should be coming from and how you can feel better about yourself, it's hard to always channel your self worth from God in your heart. So, if life has been unkind to you lately, and you can't seem to get out of it, and your self worth is just laying dormant under a rock, think about to whom you belong. You don't want those you love to feel worthless. God is the same. He doesn't want those He loves [everybody] to feel worthless. That's not His goal. He is and always will be enough for you, even if you don't realize it. Don't stop smiling, don't stop loving, don't stop sharing with people how much God loves them. I've grown so much since I started college - in a good way. There have been some hard lessons, but I've turned out better because of it. My fulfillment comes from nothing more than Christ. It's a relief, really. God loves you, He thinks you're worthwhile, He wants you to feel loved. Don't forget it.

"The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. The Lord protects the unwary; when I was brought low, he saved me. Return to your rest, my soul, for the Lord has been good to you. For you, Lord, have delivered me from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before the Lord in the land of the living."
-Psalm 116:5-9

September 8, 2013


Well, I do apologize for the lack of blog posts within the last month! It has been a crazy start to the year, even though I am excited for it! I hope this post finds many of you well. This year, in school, I am going to be involved in my Adult 1 clinical and Psychiatric mental health nursing clinical. I refer to the latter as my psych clinical, but don't be fooled, it's not exactly psychology. Anyway, I had that clinical yesterday, and let me tell you, I loved it. The first few weeks I'm going to be working with Alzheimer's clients. I just have to tell you a quick story and then I'll be onto my topic for today. Long story short, I was giving a cup of water to one of the clients and she grabbed onto my hand as I gave her the water and then kissed it! It was the sweetest thing and I didn't know exactly how to react! But it was very sweet and I just smiled and went about my business. But that will most likely stick with me for some time!

Alright, onto today's topic. I was filling out an application the other day and one of the questions was: What are you passionate about? Now, normally, I would give a sigh of frustration. That question used to always be so hard to answer. But, I sat and thought about it and I realized that my definition of what passion is has changed over time. I would have originally said something to the effect of, "Well, I'm passionate about swimming and going to a great college and...etc." It's amazing how God works. Swimming isn't such a huge part of my life in the present. I am going to a great college but the stress of trying to get into one is over. This is what I've realized: being passionate means doing something in the hope of evoking change in something or someone else.

Have you ever thought about it that way? If I say, "I'm passionate about nursing", well, I want to create change in people's health. I want to be an advocate for a healthy lifestyle. I want to be an advocate for taking care of the heart and mind and in turn taking care of the physical body. If I say, "I'm passionate about reading", I want people to love reading as much as I do and learn to appreciate literature. If I say, "I'm passionate about writing", I want to keep that old way of communication alive. And I do! If I say, "I'm passionate about Christ", I want to evoke change with that statement and I want people to share in the same grace and salvation that I do every day.

So, now how would you feel about me saying God is passionate about us? Well, that's weird. How can the God of the universe be passionate about us? I mean, when you think about it, we're pretty pathetic compared to Him. And that's mildly putting it. So, God is passionate about us. Okay, so He is hoping to evoke change in us? No. He IS evoking change. Every day. He gives us passion for Him so we can turn around and invoke that passion in someone else. There is a great quote by Rick Warren and he says "God is love. He didn't need us. But he wanted us. And that is the most amazing thing." It's so true. Let that fact sink in. I mean, think about it. He died for us. He died for His cause. He died to evoke change. He died to instill passion in His believers. Now how does that make you feel? I know it makes me feel like His passion deserves my undivided attention. Food for thought.

"The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing."
-Zephaniah 3:17

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