April 2, 2013

In The Palm of His Hand

Have you ever just had a moment where you realize that you are completely powerless next to God? I had a revelation like that just last week. Last week I had three low blood sugars in three days. What's with that?! Anyway, they weren't all that bad, but it was the first low blood sugar that had me thinking...

I woke up at about 1:25am. I barely looked at my phone laying right next to me. As soon as my eyes popped open, I knew something was off. My brain was painfully sluggish. My hands were shaking. My respiration rate was off. I was hot and realized I had been sweating. My brain tried to snap into action, but my motor neurons had a delayed response time. I closed my eyes and felt around for my juice boxes in the drawer underneath my bed. You know those juice boxes you had when you were a kid? Juicy Juice? "100% juice for 100% kids!" Yeah, those were the ones. Did I bother to check my blood sugar? No. Years of experience had taught me that I needed juice, and I needed it fast before my body shut down on me and I couldn't move to even get the juice. I sat up slightly and started to down that juice box. It went so quickly. But it was enough to where I started to feel like a normal person. My hands gradually stopped quivering and my heart rate slowed. I rested back on my pillow and I only had one thought - thank the Lord I woke up. My parents don't check my blood sugar anymore during the night. They don't get up and make sure I'm still alive. If anything, a low blood sugar makes you sleepy after you get over the fact that you want to just eat everything in sight.

I fall back asleep and as my alarm goes off in the morning, I have one thought again. Lord, thank you for waking me up last night. Medically I could easily say that my body woke me up because something was abnormal. But, I don't know. I could've easily slept through that. I never have slept through a low blood sugar, but I can never help feeling that there was some divine intervention. I have been woken up in the middle of the night when my parents checked my blood sugar. Who knows, I might have just slept through that if they weren't there.  I never truly realized how scary that is. The thought of not waking up with a low blood sugar. The next step is a coma, and then comes death. Those few brief moments is all you have to get that blood sugar back up. But I wake up in the middle of the night when all I want to do is sleep; I wake up and my body tells me that something is off. Like I said, I had one thought. Lord, thank you for waking me up. Thank you for saving my life, again. Thank you for giving me another day. All along that same line.

Control. Something I don't have when I'm low. Those who don't know diabetes don't understand that my body just fights me on a daily basis. I can try to control it when I'm awake, but when I'm sleeping, I'm completely vulnerable. These are the moments where I realize that my life is completely in God's hands. It is so easy for me to feel pity for myself with having Type 1 Diabetes. I fight that as much as I can every day because it's in moments like this where I remember that God always has a plan. He has used diabetes again and again to teach me things, to use me in ways that I wouldn't have otherwise. Waking up in the middle of the night so I can treat my low blood sugar reminds me that God is using this for a purpose. He will use me for a purpose and He watches over me. I get a humbling and thankful feeling when I wake up in the morning after a low blood sugar. I encourage all of you guys to think about what blessings come out of your greatest trials. Just know that God wants you to fulfill a purpose and no matter what He allows to happen in life, He's there watching over you.

"The Lord watches over you - the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm - he will watch over you rlife; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore."
-Psalm 121:5-8

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