July 12, 2012

Walk With Me

I wake up in the morning. Covering myself with a blanket against the chill of the air conditioning, I look out the window. Rain or shine, my mind begins working. Everything begins with my head. I sit up and thank God I have another day to try and get things right with my health, to maybe make a difference with somebody today. My thoughts start piling up, one after another; my worries begin swelling despite my efforts for calm; my musings all begin threading their way through my brain. My day begins with me and only my thoughts. All the occurrences of yesterday make their way into my memory and begin remodeling the plans I remember having for today. My mind begins its constant ramblings as I prepare to live another day.

Mentally awake, I take in my surroundings in my new house. It's still strange to me, not yet feeling like home. The beautiful view of the golf course greets me as I walk to the kitchen for coffee, just for the sake of something warm to drink. My eyes adjust to the light and make me remember I need to put my contacts in. I observe mostly everything, whether it is in my house or if it is at school, whether I'm alone or with somebody else. I take it in, not saying anything usually, just letting the world speak for itself. Without knowing, every visual perception I have that day is recorded and stored in my always active mind. Who knows, it may be in my dream later that night. I carefully observe and focus on things taking mental notes only if necessary. Observing is only another part of me whether I do or do not say anything about it.

I interact with people throughout the day and avidly put a smile on my face. I could be feeling happy that day, or I may be feeling dejected. All the same I smile and try to remember no matter what happens, I've got God on my side watching over me and making footprints in the sand. As I come in contact with people or even just glance at somebody, I smile. You never know when somebody you don't know needs a smile or kind gesture from even a stranger. Even when my smile falters from one moment to the next, I pray for the strength to keep that smile from falling. The thing is, it shouldn't be falling. I've got plenty to smile about, and I'm reminded time and time again...no doubt about it!
The next thought in mind continues from morning to night. A struggle that not just a girl like me sometimes struggles with. Every girl you see has some sort of doubt. What kind of girl she is, whether she measures up or not, what person will show her she's loved...it's these kinds of questions that help fuel the beauty industry. Make yourself better! Make a better version of you! I fall for these tricks at times, when I can't remember beauty comes from within, from what God made. It's a struggle to remember that, take it from me, but the more I believe it, the happier I am. Nobody has the truth to being beautiful. Only you can find that. That beauty that makes you, you. Remember this... God knows who you are whether you're wearing a dress or not. Be the beauty God created in you from the beginning. This is all that matters, and this is what you should want everyone else to see. That appearance stands out from all the others. I know I want people to ask, "What is different about her?" And I would only love to share!

The end of this day comes from my feet. They've brought me everywhere, and will bring me back to where I started. I come in each night knowing my day was anything but perfect, but prepare for another night. I'm alone with my thoughts once more. My head hits the pillow, yet my mind still runs on. It's tireless, I tell you. Always striving to figure things out, always wanting to know the answer. The best part of my day is knowing for a fact I didn't walk alone. I don't have to have the answer, I just need to be grateful. God gave me courage to face my thoughts; He gave me an opportunity to see the world through different eyes; He encouraged me to give joy to somebody else; He reminded me I'm beautiful to Him and to shine from within; He led my feet back home, putting one in front of the other. And when I see that one set of footprints, I'll know it was Him.

Before I fall asleep, I think once again. I thank God for getting me through another day and pray He gives me strength for the next one. No matter what happens, no matter how He makes me stronger, I know one thing: I need to stay true to my faith, and become the woman God made me to be.

"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."
-Proverbs 31:30

1 comment:

Blog Archive