July 26, 2013

Faith, Trust, and Pixie Dust

So a couple evenings ago I was sitting next to my grandma, holding her hand, trying to keep her calm as she seemed restless. She kept saying she needed to take care of something and I just told her that I would take care of whatever she needed done, that she didn't have to worry about anything. She looked at me and said "You're an angel." Needless to say, I was quite taken aback. I couldn't think of what to say. So, being the genius I am (haha) I came up with "Oh, no, I'm just Morgan..."

Now that I think about it, that could've been meant in two different ways. Maybe she actually thought I was an angel. Or maybe she thought I was just acting like an angel. I don't know which one she meant. Not that it matters. The good thing is that I kept her calm. It just struck something in me because I know Alzheimer's is a tough disease. There are days where my grandma knows who I am and days where she doesn't. Having her in the house, though, makes you appreciate those lucid moments. My grandma is pretty sharp, but you can tell the times where she gets frustrated and the times where she is fully aware.

Have you ever had a moment where everything just clicked? You are fully aware, you know who you are, what you are, and what you stand for. Often, when this happens to me, it's my faith talking. Sometimes I just know that God is with me and He has planned for something to happen. The longer you are a Christian, the more comfortable you get with your faith. So, when something occurs that "isn't part of the plan" you start wondering where God is leading you. Sometimes you can guess and sometimes you don't. At times I envy those people that have certain clarity of what God wants for them. Most of us struggle to understand.

I've only had a few of these moments. It's usually when I'm alone. It happened once when I went on a hike (in Colorado of course) and I just spent time appreciating what was around me. It has happened at a couple of random times where I just knew I was in the right place. I felt completely sure, I felt at peace, and I felt the overwhelming assurance of God's love. The longer you are a Christian and the more you get into a routine, I feel that the more you should try and fight for those lucid moments - those moments when you just know - those moments where you live in the present in full belief of the future God has for you. For many of us, those moments don't happen every day.

I need to work on this just as much as everyone else. I get into my routine and forget to fight for those lucid moments of faith. I get caught up in so many different aspects of life that I miss the joy that's right in front of me. Even though I've been a Christian for so long, I have to constantly practice because I will never be perfect. I will never be an angel on this earth, but I can definitely embrace what God has promised to His believers and extend it to those who could use a little faith, trust, and pixie dust.

"Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."
-Isaiah 40:30-31

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