Well, my few stressful weeks are finally allowing me a short breather! My huge history research paper has been turned in and it is a huge relief! And, for the first time in four weeks, I don't have a test this week (not counting a few quizzes)! I can't believe finals are so close. It's ridiculous. But, even more ridiculous is the fact that I'm almost done with my freshman year of college. Tours are coming through every day, and it just reminds me where I was at this time last year. I saw my cousin Kelly and my Uncle Joe on Thursday last week! It was only about an hour, but it was still really good to see them. Kelly seemed overwhelmed, poor thing. But, it's to be expected, walking around a crazy campus like TCU when she just visited Baylor. Both beautiful campuses, however, I'm only slightly biased. ;)
I went to Ignite on Monday, and something struck me out of the entire message. The speaker said something about being a part of the oldest family in history. Being a part of the Christian family. And he also was talking about immediate family and that it doesn't matter what they have done, they are still family, and we still love them. He used an example of a father "dropping the ball" with everything about being a father. Of course, guess who my mind went to almost immediately? I realized, I am still struggling hardcore with trying to love my dad. I've never struggled this much to love someone, especially a family member. I'm a pretty loving person, and I like showing people how much they mean to me. But, for some reason, I just struggle when it comes to my dad. I guess I just need to continue my prayer on the matter. It just hit home that he is still family. It makes me sad knowing I'm struggling to love a member of my family. Some of you may think I'm justified in that, but I'm really not. There is so much that I've done, I can't say my dad deserves less love than I do. Every sin is the same in God's eyes. I just wish I knew how to think that way. Lord, help me. I've also been struggling with something lately...girls, you will understand me. I was having a heart-to-heart with a friend yesterday, and I realized, since I've come to college, I have been so much more self conscious about my physical appearance. And it has nothing to do with makeup or my clothes or anything, that has not changed about me, it's just about comparing myself to other rail thin girls or, you know, just girls who are supposedly "perfect". I know there is no such girl, we all have our flaws, but I can't help but notice how I measure up. And I hate it!!! It's not something I'm proud of! I never used to do that, and here I am freaking out about something that's ridiculous! Those of you who know me well know that I'm pretty comfortable about myself. That's why I'm freaking out about this. I never used to do that. I think it's because I'm not swimming anymore, I'm more conscious about things. I've got my good days and bad days. I've just been struggling with it lately. I mean, it's a pretty personal and serious thing to deal with, and just so all you girls out there know, you are not alone.
Okay, enough dreary stuff... this week has actually been really amazing! :) Guys, I have a really great boyfriend haha. I just have to say that. I asked him to my formal this week, and then he asked me to his two days later! With more roses :) Pink ones this time, instead of red, but they were beautiful! He must have read my blog or something from a long time ago that was talking about me being a old-fashioned kind of girl. Or maybe he just knows haha. I love the flowers, I love the opening the car door for me and blah, blah, blah. I don't know, but it has been a great week. :) I just love all the people that I've met here. They are so genuine and just great people! I am so blessed to have them in my life!
You know, it's kind of weird. As finals approach and as my freshman year draws to a close, I've been thinking about summer a lot. Of course, it's not weird to think about summer, but this is going to be a different summer entirely. As we get older, summer kind of loses its luster, don't you think? It's not quite as magical as it was when you were a kid. It's just another 3 month period before you go to school again. I don't know, that's how it feels to me sometimes. Anyway, this summer will be entirely different than any other of my summers. (1) I won't be swimming, at all. No more getting up at 5 AM unless I have to study for my anatomy class. And even then I probably wouldn't get up haha. But I won't have those practices. (2) I'll be taking summer school. I always thought of summer school as consisting of people who couldn't, or didn't, work hard enough during the year because they didn't feel like it and forced themselves to take summer school, which in a way is true, but I never thought I'd be taking it. Granted, I have a few different reasons for taking summer school, but it feels very weird. I don't really think that anymore about summer school, I'm only trying to finish my degree, but it will still be completely odd. (3) I'm going to be living in Texas. Not Colorado. That's the weirdest thing of all... :( I am going to miss those beautiful mountains so much. And my dad and my twin are going to be back in Colorado. :( Talk about a separated family. We are separated by states. That's weird. You know, I really need to think of another synonym for 'weird' because I feel like I'm using it way too much. Anway, haha, and I'm going to be dealing with humidity. I'll post pictures for all of your benefits haha so you can see my pain. It may be a little different though, because my hair is so incredibly LONG now. It's......weird.
Alright, well that was a pretty long couple of rants. Also, if you guys ever want advice or want me to talk and give my opinion about something in my blog, let me know! I'm happy to give my point of view. Not that you need to follow it by any means, but I will give you my opinion. I hope you guys have a wonderful weekend. :)
As always, thanks for reading.
"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?...Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
-Matthew 6:26-27, 34