I am writing this blog with a warmed heart tonight. I just got back from Colorado. I went to visit for a few days. I saw some friends who mean the world to me and was able to give them tangible hugs! Some I didn't get a chance to see, but you can only do so much in two days. I'm back now, and waiting for summer school to start on Monday. It was just a nice couple of days back there. The weather was wonderful and I was able to appreciate the beauty of the Colorado Rockies once again.
As you can see from my last blog post, I've been somewhat stuck lately. I've been stuck in everything. Texas, school, friends, and just feeling like I'm separated from what matters most to me. I'm not referring to Colorado here, but between things like being away from my twin and barely being able to salvage what is left between my dad and I, things have been rough.
These last few days my trust was somewhat renewed which feels great! Things may not be exactly the way I want them or the way I was expecting it to work out, but it's exactly the way God wants it to happen. In church last week the pastor was talking about, as Christians, we see that some of our behaviors are not pleasing to God and we say to ourselves, "Oh, well I'll work on that." But, there is no way to change that behavior without changing the heart first. Change the heart, and the behavior should just follow naturally. As a follower of Christ, our heart should automatically be in the right place, and the behavior just follows us around. That is the change people notice. That is the subtle difference that sets some of us apart. Not that one person is higher than the other, because we aren't, but the glow that surrounds the heart of a believer is impossible to extinguish or match with something of this world.
I was visiting an ex-neighbor while I was in Colorado, he has known me since I was just a baby, and he told me about the straight and narrow path situation. We are all sort of familiar with it, but it just hit me anew. You know, we all want to take the beaten and easy path sometimes. We get so tired of trying to watch our step on the narrow path, that's what makes it hard. And we all fall off the narrow path and end up on the other road sometimes. No matter how far down that easy path you are, it is always possible to get back up on the difficult, narrow path. Nothing is technically easy anymore in this world. I've definitely fallen on that beaten path innumerable times. I cringe at my own weakness sometimes. With everything that has been going through my brain and that has happened to people close to me, God just reminded me these last couple of days that the narrow path is His path. The narrow path is the safer path in the long run. The narrow path will be the path that leads us to the best outcome (check out Matthew 7:13-14).
Basically, the whole thing just gave me hope. It gave me hope that God is still working in everything, that He has not forgotten anyone, and that He works in His own time, not ours. I felt some sort of reassurance in just being still and feeling Him with me. He has not left me, nor has he left those dear to my heart. That should be the most encouraging of all. :) All in His timing, not mine.
Thanks for reading.
"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."
"As water reflects a face, so a man's heart reflects the man."