It has been a little while since I've caught you guys up! I'm so sorry about that. Summer school has started for me. It's ridiculous. I have two tests every Thursday. A lecture test and a lab test. Luckily, this last week, I got As on both of them. Let's hope I keep up the trend. Bring it on Anatomy and Physiology....again. :) Life is going alright. It's busy, but good. It's definitely different though. The house is great, I'm loving it, and it's nice to be able to help my mom out. Nothing else is really quite new with me. I'll try to blog a little more although it may be hard with summer school. But I'm going to try!!! :)
Anyway...it's that time of year again. Father's Day. There was a great message in church today. I walk in, sit down, and the pastor comes out and says he is going to talk about Father's Day even though it's a week early. You can imagine what my thought was: "What? Oh...great. This is something I don't want to hear right now." But my other thought was, "Okay, God, I get it. I get it. I'll listen." So, he got going on the message and was saying that he didn't know how many people could relate, but he went to the store and looked at the Father's Day cards for about a half an hour and there was not one card he could find that defined the relationship between him and his dad. I can relate. It was like that last year. I couldn't find one last year. All of them were about dads being heroes. I certainly didn't feel that way about my dad. But then he was talking and he addressed the sons and daughters of families without a dad really. So, I listened. I grew up with a dad, but he was almost emotionally disengaged the whole time before he left. I'm thankful it wasn't any worse than that, but it still created a world of hurt. The bitterness and rage I've felt against my dad was my way of letting off steam since I bundled up all my feelings at first.
So...basically he talked about two different things. He said the reason kids from broken families harbor such hurt and sometimes act out is because of the absence of that father. The father, even in Scripture is supposed to be the hero. We want to hear them say I love you and I'm proud of you. Even in Colossians 3:21, it says, "Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged." And how true is that? But anyway, knowing that my dad has done my family and I wrong, it has been difficult for me to even forgive him. But this morning, I heard God's message.
- I have a father who will never forsake me or leave me hanging. I've had one, I have one, and I will always have one.
- Maybe my dad isn't as malicious as my hurt makes him out to be. Yes, he has done wrong. No, he isn't my most favorite person in the world. No, he hasn't been my hero. But he is my dad. He shaped me in the way he thought best. The way HE thought best.
- That bitterness is only hurting me. Who am I to hold a grudge? I've never actually been without a father.
- I need to eventually talk to my dad face to face and tell him what I think he has missed out on in my life and what I'm angry at him for.
- I need to forgive him. And love him. And PRAY about it.
- I need to let go and start the healing process.
Anyways, if you guys have more questions or anything about any of this, talk to me. I just really wanted to share with you guys, I thought it was important. I'm by no means any sort of expert, but hopefully I understand enough to help you through something. Who knows, I'll probably learn more from you. :) For those of you with awesome dads and a beautiful family who is still together, I rejoice with you! :) Treasure that. God knew just what I needed to hear this morning, even if it was difficult, and I was reluctant to hear it. I hear you, God. :) I get it.
Thanks for reading.
"And, 'I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters,' says the Lord Almighty."
-2 Corinthians 6:18